Jana Kramer returned to her podcast for the first time since filing for divorce from Mike Caussin, but it clearly wasn't an easy episode to record.
The 37-year-old One Tree Hill alum released the latest installment of iHeartRadio's Whine Down podcast on Sunday, May 2, and she was joined by friend Sara Gretzky, and later by Gabby Bernstein. Whine Down, which Jana originally started as a solo project, had been co-hosted by Mike in recent years, and Jana will now lead it by herself again.
"So sorry for everyone listening right now—this is not easy," shared Jana, who took her time as she appeared to be sniffling and fighting back tears. "For those of you that haven't seen the news, I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, and it has not been easy, I'll say that. And honestly, I don't even know if I want to do the show anymore. I'm being completely honest."
After taking a pause while she continued getting emotional, she shared that she "started this show by myself," and then the former NFL player became a guest and ultimately the co-host. "It just felt like ours, so now it feels weird not having him on here," Jana explained.
The country singer took to Instagram on April 21 to announce her split from her husband of nearly six years. "I've given everything I have, and now I have nothing else to give," she wrote at the time.
On April 26, E! News obtained their divorce filing, which listed April 20 as their date of separation. In the filing, Jana had cited the reasons for the split as "inappropriate marital conduct, irreconcilable differences and adultery."
"I didn't want this, at the end of the day," she shared on the podcast about the divorce. "I think where I'm at is, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that this is how it ended, and then I also feel like I've let people down. We've come on here, and we've fought, and we fought for it. The words that were spoken, they were honest from me, is what I'll say."
She continued by giving insight into the range of responses she's gotten from those close to her. "I had friends basically tell me they would lose respect for me," Jana said about reaction to her moving on from the marriage. "And those were the friends that were always like, 'We would love you and support you no matter what.'"
Jana explained that "a few days before things came to light," she was under the impression the relationship was still going strong.
"I am the weakest I've ever been," she shared. "I went to my therapist a few weeks ago and being like, 'Fine, I'll live this life. I don't want to break up my family.' My whole thing is like, I didn't want this for the kids. I've stayed for my kids, even when other things happened."
Jana described a heartfelt conversation between the former couple that took place "a couple weeks prior" to the split. "He swore on his sobriety there was nothing," she said. "Most of my sadness comes from my kids because they didn't deserve this, they didn't ask for this. And also the dream of what I thought it was going to be and who I thought I was working with."
The star concluded the episode by expressing appreciation for fans who've been along this road with her. "I promise you every week will not be a sob show," she said. "We'll figure this out together. We're on this journey together."
E! News has reached out to Mike for comment but have not yet heard back.
Throughout their relationship, Jana and Mike were very open about their struggles, including his infidelity. In a March 2019 podcast episode, Mike revealed that, in 2016, he "sought treatment for sex addiction in an inpatient treatment facility." As he explained, "Jana kind of gave me an ultimatum when everything came out, and she discovered everything, and she looked at me and said, 'You need to go somewhere. Basically, you need to figure out what's going on and what this is, or I'm gone, period.'"